Someday I'll Fly Away...

I feel horrible. I haven't been to CrossFit all week - between ToM cramps and whatever rut I'm in, I just haven't had the energy to go. I know what is wrong with me, but then again I don't understand it. I love CrossFit, but I just don't really want to go anywhere. I want to stay in my bed. I've lost my motivation and I don't know where to look to find it again.

I look at my friends losing weight and I feel like I'm failing, like I'm not being as successful as I could be.

I guess I'll figure this out eventually. I want this anti-depressant to kick in soon so I can gain control of my life again.

I guess my grandfather is right (I don't say that often)...I need something to do - something to get me out of the house. I hate being stuck here. This is what is making me lose my motivation. I've applied for maybe a dozen jobs since I finished my externship and I haven't heard back from anyone. Most lawyers want a paralegal with experience - how in the hell do they expect me to get experience if they don't give me a chance...even if it is on a temporary basis.

That's all for now - sorry for the rant. My therapist thinks that this blog is a great way for me to vent about what is bothering me and that I need to keep up with it.