Need I Say More

CrossFit

For those of you asking me what CrossFit is - here is a video I got off of my trainer's Facebook page:

CrossFit has been "variously portrayed as a fitness company, a grassroots health movement, a nascent sport, a fad, a publishing business and sometimes, disparagingly, a cult." ::Found this on Wikipedia::

I am really enjoying CrossFit. I am starting to branch out and do things at home on my own, but am still keeping with the workouts at Shane's. This past week I've been entirely lazy bc I am getting over being sick and stuff like that. I got an elliptical to put at my house and I am buying an abmat to be able to work on my sit-ups. I want to be able to work on it both at home and at Shane's. Sometimes I cannot really afford the time to go to Shane's due to school/work conflict (but I go anyway) so I am gonna do some workouts at home (not all the time - but maybe a night a week) and text Shane my reps & time.

Facing My Fears

So I faced my fears and went to the cemetery yesterday. I went alone because I didn't know how I would react. Yes, I cried - but the tears made everything better.

It was a beautiful day and I couldn't ask for a better one. I got into McComb and decided I wanted to grab lunch and picnic at my dad's grave - so I went to Popeye's (one of our favorite places), got my chicken and went to the cemetery. It was so quiet and still there. It was kinda eerie seeing my dad's headstone.

I ate my chicken, turned on some music and just visited. I even stretched my legs out in the attempt to get some sun - just like I would've done if my dad had been there with me in person. After I finished eating I laid on the ground, with my head on his gravestone and talked to him for a little bit. Think I'm crazy if you'd like, but it helped me so much. I told him what Shane had done and how angry I was at him. Then after about 15 minutes of talking - I kissed his gravestone and got up to leave. I felt a breeze wrap around my body. At that moment, I knew that my dad and grandparents were there. That breeze was them hugging me. The sun shining on my face felt left a presence of their kisses on my cheeks. It was a moment I cherish.

I am glad that I went to the cemetery alone because I would've never had that moment if I had brought someone with me.

It's the cemetery for me today. I have to face my fear. I need to see my daddy. He was a man that meant so much to me! He was my hero. I miss him so much and I know he is with me where ever I go, but I need to see where he is laid to rest. I need to tell him so much.

"Now she is left with nothing - just a picture and a ring. Do you know that she will see you die every night in her dreams."

I found this poem online and thought I'd share it.

Why Dad,
Why did you chose to die?
You left no note and me with why?
You thought you were doing what was best and right.
Why, oh why, did you have to end the fight?
Your pain is something I will never understand.
You must have been so afraid to take this stand.
You left me with a title I am sad to attain.
Suicide Survivor, but who should I blame?
I know your decision was painful to make.
The thoughts in your head
Must have been unbearable to take.
Now that you're gone, I think of you a lot.
You couldn't have known the suffering this has brought.
I pray you are at peace my Angel, and I am in pain.
I count the minutes to Heaven and seeing you again.
Author Unknown

I Love the Way You Lie

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie

Not So Happy Anniversary

"I have this feeling that there's one more star up in the sky tonight...it's far away but its light still reaches our hearts"

::I got this from the FB that Jen made::

Brad,

I'm sorry I can't visit you today. I want to - so bad, but I have to work. I am going to McComb this weekend to visit my daddy and I'm going to try to drive to Laurel to visit you too. You are a star in the sky and you shine as brightly up there as you did down here. I miss our random texts and messages on MySpace. I won't forget them and I won't forget you. I found pictures from the first time I saw you play at CPR Fest - damn I can't believe it was that long ago that I saw your band play for the first time! I'll listen to your songs today - as I do a lot here lately.

Thank you for being a part of my life. I am blessed to have known you.

Wasting Time at Lunch Time

I'm taking a few minutes to post real quick what I read from the book last night.

"No woman should ever have to convince a guy to want to eb with her - ever. If a guy isn't into you, who cares? It's his loss. Cut him loose and move on already. The lovely Jennifer Aniston has said, 'A relationship isn't going to make me survive. It's the cherry on top.'"

Well it's back to work for me. Will blog more later!

Celebrate the Life

This week I will be celebrating the life of two very special men:

My daddy - David Holder Rodgers
01/10/48 - 07/28/08

I miss him so much. To this day, I still wonder why he did it. I miss him all the time - especially when I get sick or I have to take a back road. He was the type of person who would've given you the shirt off of his back. I hope that I am making him proud with all that I've accomplished in the past 2 years. Graduating from college this year is going to be hard because he isn't going to be there to see me walk across that stage.

Bradley Wells
07/05/85 - 07/27/09

I love it whenever I hear one of his songs in my iPod playlist. He was one of the most unique people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. He had this vibrant personality that could light up any room he entered into. He and I were not close friends, but I am glad that I knew him.

I have just recently started to talk to his mom via Facebook and I am glad that I got the courage to add her. She is one of the easiest people to talk to.

I've recently started reading a book called "How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World" so expect quotes from the book as I read it.

"So if we want their undivided attention for about 2.4 seconds, we should keep wearing our glitter minis and doing the bend-and-snap. But if we want a real gentleman, we should just keep our smart, classy, fabulous selves and they'll be beating down our doors in no time."

It's Me vs. the Dress

So I found my ultimate goal outfit...

It's a dress...

It so happens to be the dress I wore to my dad's memorial service. It's gorgeous! I haven't worn it since then and I was digging through my closet and I decided that I want to wear that particular dress (with a pair of cute flats) for my 22nd birthday. I know I went all out for my 21st, but I want to do it bigger for my 22nd because most of my friends will be 21 at that time (with the exception of Brittany...) and we can go do stuff. Plus, I want to be a "skinny bitch" (or skinnier than I am now) and go have fun.

I know dropping 60 or 70 pounds is drastic - so I am setting an obtainable goal for now: 30 pounds. I want to drop 30 pounds to be in my birthday dress. That is the exact same size I was when I wore the dress to my dad's memorial service and it gives me 4.5 months to lose the weight. Now, 40 or 50 pounds would be fabulous and 60 or 70 is my ultimate goal. I want to be between a size 12 and a size 16 again!


So here is the dress...

So I found out today that my dad was buried. My dad died 2 years ago and donated his body to science.

My sister-in-law put a comment on my Facebook:

"It was truely not in offense Callie. Shane just didn't want to bring up sad memories. He did what he felt was best for everyone including Papa Dave's memory. He ment no disrespect and as always was just being protective of everyone. Shane took one person with him only to hello with the headstone. Really, you should thank him for doing what he thought was best for the family."

"Damaged people are the most dangerous because they know they can survive."

I have been hurt, abused, cheated on, laughed at, screamed at and so much more - but I am still strong and I have survived.