So I am watching Army Wives and I came across a quote that I love.

"I want to put this behind us. I know it's not going to be easy but we're worth it. We're worth fighting for."

I don't want to run a marathon or flaunt a bikini in public. I don't want six pack abs either. I want to be healthy and cute but not "hot" as society sees it. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want thinner fingers and a more slender neck. I want my cheek and jaw bones to be more defined. I want my stomach to be a little flatter and my back not to have rolls. I want my thighs to be more toned.

I have a boyfriend who loves me. He supports me through whatever I decide to do. If I want to start a healthier eating pattern, he's up for it. He gives me encouragement and hates it when I cry about it or get too worked up over something. He tells me that instead of crying about it and being self conscious, I should do something about it. He tells me not to let things that people say get to me. I cannot help it. That is how I have been programmed over the past several years to think.

I took the first step in my weight loss and ordered a 10-day trial of Nutrisystem. I have been wanting to try this for a while and finally did it! I am going to try it for 10 days and if I decide that I like it after 5 days, I will have it put on auto-delivery.

I am also doing the whole "Mindset Makeover" part of Nutrisystem. This will teach me how to keep the weight off, even after I've completed Nutrisystem. There are three tips that will make this all worth while:

1. Prioritize: Make yourself a priority. If you take care of yourself first, mentally and physically, you'll be able to take care of the people who are important to you. This may mean saying "no" sometimes, but people will understand. You deserve to be good to yourself. You're worth it!

2. Practice: It's not enough to just talk about changing your eating and activity habits. That's why you'll get a new Skill Builder each week to help you practice doing it. "Skill power" not just willpower leads to effective weight control!

3. Patience: Losing weight is a process. Eating and activity habits develop over a lifetime, so don't expect to change them overnight. Take small steps, and remember that small changes are better than no changes at all. You'll experience victories and setbacks, and you can learn from both. If you have any problems, you can always talk to a Nutrisystem counselor.

The topics for each week are:

• Week 1: Getting Started
• Week 2: Internal vs. External Hunger
• Week 3: Working Out
• Week 4: Curbing Cravings
• Week 5: Risky Behaviors
• Week 6: Mind Over Matter
• Week 7: Eating Out, Eating Smart
• Week 8: More Movement
• Week 9: Dealing with Holidays & Occasions
• Week 10: Social Support
• Week 11: Nutrition for Life
• Week 12: Shopping Smarts
• Week 13: You're on Your Way

I hate it when I get hounded about my weight. I know I haven't been doing much about it the past week or so, but I am going to start doing better here soon. I was told by a family member that I look like I gain weight every time they see me. I wish they would drop the subject though. I've been feeling unmotivated and self conscious lately. I stress about it. Zach hates when I stress about it. He hates when I talk about myself in negative terms. But I can't help it. When family members say the things they say, I get self conscious. I turn to the negatives. I cry about it and he hates when I cry about it. I can't help but cry about it. I am crying right now just talking about it. I need to get back on the scale soon, but I am afraid to.

I am afraid to start new programs because I always seem to sabotage myself and fail. But I've got to learn to self motivate and do this myself. I need to do this for myself and for my future. Especially my future with Zach. But I can't just do it for him or to please my grandfather. It has to be all for me.

"Fireproof doesn't mean that a fire will never come, but that when it comes, you'll be able to withstand it."

Here are some quotes that I love

May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn't live a day without you. - Leap Year

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds." - The Notebook

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day." - The Notebook

"Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it can." - At First Sight

"You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter." - Nicholas Sparks

"I love you. I am who I am because of you....I will always be yours. " - The Notebook

"Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more." - The Last Song

"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected." -The Notebook

"The greater the love, the greater the tragedy when it's over." - Nights in Rodanthe

"There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."

“Have you ever met someone that just made something fall into place inside you?”

Wow. I cannot believe that it has been almost a month since I have blogged. Things have been busy and crazy here, but I love a good challenge. Classes have re-started and I am re-taking my Exploring the 1960's class that I didn't do so well in two quarters ago. This is the only class I am taking this quarter and maybe next, I will take two classes again. But for now, I am working on getting ahead in my school work so I am not so overwhelmed. This is all I am going to write for the moment because I am babysitting, so I am going to go tend to small children and enjoy my morning with them.