I hate it when I get hounded about my weight. I know I haven't been doing much about it the past week or so, but I am going to start doing better here soon. I was told by a family member that I look like I gain weight every time they see me. I wish they would drop the subject though. I've been feeling unmotivated and self conscious lately. I stress about it. Zach hates when I stress about it. He hates when I talk about myself in negative terms. But I can't help it. When family members say the things they say, I get self conscious. I turn to the negatives. I cry about it and he hates when I cry about it. I can't help but cry about it. I am crying right now just talking about it. I need to get back on the scale soon, but I am afraid to.
I am afraid to start new programs because I always seem to sabotage myself and fail. But I've got to learn to self motivate and do this myself. I need to do this for myself and for my future. Especially my future with Zach. But I can't just do it for him or to please my grandfather. It has to be all for me.
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